Stories: Christine, A Single Mom

*Names of children have been changed to protect their privacy.

I was married in America and in Europe; I ended up filing for divorce in Europe, and brought my 2 children back to America. We needed to adjust culturally; my children had never lived in America. They had to deal with that change, a new house, a new school, a new country, everyone speaking English. On top of all that, they had to deal with not being able to see their father very often.
 
I was fortunate to be able to bring the kids to America. The worst part of adapting was just learning parenting in a whole new realm. I didn’t know anyone who had been single, so I was on my own. I didn’t have friends because I had been out of the country for ten years; I didn’t have a church; many of my family members had passed away. It was new territory for me. How could I be a mother, and a father, and a grandparent, and a playmate to my kids on top of being a provider? I didn’t know how to do it. It was difficult. My children were struggling with a one-parent household, and I didn’t realize it at the time. They missed their father. They thought they were the only ones who had two parents who didn’t live together. Even after we had been in the states for a while, they still had the impression nobody else had divorced parents. They always asked their father and me to get back together. It was hard for them to adjust.
 
Although their father has been reliable in paying child support, it still wasn’t enough for us to live on here in Texas. I no longer had any marketable skills, and I had been out of the work force for 10 years. I never imagined I would have to keep and nurture all the skills I had in my previous career. I was at a loss how I was going to support my children, and take care of the things my husband normally took care of around the house. I went from a situation where I had always felt I had  been “in control”, and found myself just floored realizing how small I am in this huge world that requires so much of a person, especially when you have the lives of little children in your hands to be a role model for them; they depended on me to nurture them, to guide them. I was overwhelmed and very scared. I wasn’t sure how I was going to be able to do any of these things.

God has taught me throughout this process that I am not in control, He is. Rather than that being a power struggle, I have found it to be a comfort. I don’t need to take everything on myself, I am not alone; it’s okay to fall to my knees and pray, to be broken and shattered. God has worked some amazing things for me; getting back to the US when I did with my children was a miracle, and I didn’t even know it until a year later. God has brought me to a wonderful church where I have a fantastic support system; they believe in single parents, and know them, and understand the struggle of single parents. They are truly a family, and they support, guide, and give you the tools you need. They equip you so you can be all you possibly could be for yourself and for your children; to become independent, but also to understand you are not alone, and God is always there with you.
 
When I first came to One Parent Plus Kids, I was excited to be around other single parents, and happy to get a break from my kids.  But after listening to the instructor, I didn’t understand what they were talking about, and I didn’t think it would do much for me; I didn’t want to come back. But almost overnight I saw a huge change in my children—they were freer, happier, and I didn’t understand it. My daughter told me “everyone in my class, their mommy and daddy are divorced, too; I’m not the only one”’ thatt was a breakthough for her and for me. I saw what it did for my children, so I decided to stick with the adult class because of what it was doing for my kids. At the end of the 10 weeks, apparently I had changed, as well; the instructor related the changes he saw in me. It was shocking; I didn’t think it could affect me like that; I knew I needed to stick with it. God just works in wonderful ways.
 
The other thing that God has taught me is how to be a friend to my ex-husband so that he can be the father that my children need. They still need him regardless of how I feel about him. God has really softened my heart and helped me accept him and treat him as a friend and forgive him for all the problems and mistakes we made in our relationship. And that’s really helped my children cope with a single parent family with divorced parents. My children were struggling enough with not getting to see their father very often, since he still lives overseas. Had we been “at war” during this time, they would not have been able to talk with him every single day, and I truly believe that my kids would have been crying much more often; they wouldn’t have been able to heal.  It’s hard enough that your decisions as an adult effect you, but when they effect the innocent lives you’ve chosen to bring into this world, you need to try to alleviate the pain. God has shown me that it’s important to protect my children, but I can’t necessarily shield them from everything. Had my ex-husband and I continually been in a “war”, they wouldn’t have been able to get to know their father very much. A child needs to know both their mother and father, and you just have to try to make the best out of a bad situation; that’s one way God has enlightened me.