Stories: Lacy, A Single Mom

*Names of children have been changed to protect their privacy.
 
I was married for four and a half years; it was a very abusive relationship physically, emotionally, spiritually. The hardest part was feeling like I needed to protect my kids from their father. I believed that divorce was not an option, that I needed to stick it out, that things would get better. We were living in another state at the time, and he had an affair with a woman from work. I believed this was my way to get out and protect my kids from what I deemed an unhealthy situation for them.
 
I didn’t have a support system where we lived; and also there was the financial piece. It was really draining, wondering how I was going to pay the bills, or if I would have heat the next week. And the financial  issue of having to be the sole provider; I had just started a new job, and suddenly I was dealing with all these issues. My employer noticed I wasn’t as focused on my work as I should be. I couldn’t excel in my job while I had all these distractions.
 
One of my biggest issues was that my ex-husband didn’t want to see his kids at all; I knew I would have to deal with this the rest of their lives. I have 2 kids; Mark, 8, and Brent, 5. At the time of separation, they were 3 and 1. One of my biggest struggles is knowing what to tell them about him. There are a lot of questions coming up, and the honest answer isn’t easy. The biggest struggle is his absence, and explaining that.
 
I would say if you don’t have that support system, you need to go find it. Most people won’t know you need it. The advice I would give to someone going through this is to not expect immediate results. It takes time to heal; it’s important to surround yourself with people who will lift you up rather than drag you down, and look for resources that will help you through the process. Make sure you don’t rush the process.
 
I’ve noticed a huge difference in my life when I surround myself with Christian people, who have been where I’ve been, who can lead me where I should be going. It is so important to surround yourself with all the godly resources you can, take advantage of all of that is available to help you to move in the direction you need to be going. I think it’s really easy to take the easy path, and end up going the wrong direction.
 
If there had been a PA center alongside me during the entire process, I think it would have reduced the time to heal. I noticed patterns in my life, where I kept taking a step back even though I had taken a step forward. If there had been someone alongside me to help keep prodding me forward, it would have reduced a lot of time and hurt that I spent when I should have continued forward; I needed that person alongside me to help me along that path.
 
It’s important that there are people who are willing to be that volunteer and help someone down the path; I appreciate all those people who have been that influence in my life and contributed to who I am today. If you’ve been there, have been through what I’ve been through, I really challenge you to step up and be that influence in someone else’s life to help them move toward healing and restoration.